im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
