clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
