She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
