I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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