Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
