Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
