So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
