Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
