By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
