its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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