Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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