even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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