My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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