i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
