I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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