Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
