i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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