oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Farmville is her only friend.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
