Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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