some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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