How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
