are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
