i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
