i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
