jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's official drugs can't kill me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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