We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
