May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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