So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
