my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
