did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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