you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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