He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
