so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Of course I have a pirate flag
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
