On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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