Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
