I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
