You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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