I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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