You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
