Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
