He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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