my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
