thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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