i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
