I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was like eating out sand paper
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
