He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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