dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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