He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
