I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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