You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
