stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
